That tug, and what to do with it?

If you were to ask me what I want to be when I grow up (I just turned 49), I would have to say that I still don’t know.  I can’t really say that I have liked any job I’ve had enough to say, yep, I want to do that.  It’s really always been about making money to live.  I have a strong work ethic and can push ahead in even the worst job situation.  Sometimes that is a good thing, sometimes not.

I’ve been trying to figure out what I want to do regarding the work part of my life since I was a teenager.  During my time in church I was told that God has a plan for my life and I simply need to ask Him what that plan is, listen, and do what I believe He is telling me to do.  That sounds great, doesn’t it?  Except that, as far as I can tell, He never told me.  I spent many frustrating years praying and listening.  I no longer believe that there is some specific, divine plan regarding the type of work that I do.  I think we are free to choose how we spend our time.  Yet, from time to time, there is a tug (for lack of a better description) towards something different.  It goes beyond the surface annoyance of day to day life.  Lately, it’s been very pronounced.  Especially when I come into work.  There is a strong dissatisfaction with the way that I’m spending my time.  And, a sense of, it’s time to move on.  Move on from what to what, I’m still not sure.  This tug, this dissatisfaction is different than just, I’m tired of my job.  It’s almost like a knowing that it’s time to change.  Time to do something different with my life.

So, I’m taking more time to be quiet and just listen.  I’m not putting an expectation on what I might “hear” or how, I’m just going to get quiet, on purpose, a little more often and see what happens.  Of course, the question arises that if I don’t believe in some kind of divine will, what exactly is that tug and who or what am I listening to/for?  Hmmmm….

Going back to my Agnostic Taoism post, I like what someone said regarding this:
“That means I have no idea about the afterlife or our souls or even the nature of God, but I find the world has paths and flow to it and you can surf those waves and follow those paths if you simply stop resisting so much.  There are behaviors that increase suffering and there are behaviors that decrease suffering. There are thoughts and beliefs and ways of being that can ease our personal and the world’s way through the day.  I try and do those thoughts and behaviors. It makes it easier on everyone.”

But this makes me ask, who or what is behind these paths and flow of life?  I really do have so many more questions than answers at this point in my life.  Which makes me laugh because 20 years ago, I thought I knew the answers to most of the questions!  LOL  Silly human.  🙂

And, the tug could just be a psychological thing, all made up in my head.  I don’t like my job or the long hours that I work, so I invent this thing that makes it seem like God/the Universe/flow, whatever, is tugging me in a different direction.  Heck, up until not too long ago, most of the world didn’t have the freedom to just quit their livelihood and do something else.  A large percentage of the world still doesn’t have that freedom.  So maybe it’s all about perspective and gratitude?  Like the sub title to a book I recently bought says; having the life you want by being present to the life you have.

Nonetheless, I’ll keep reading the things that seem to grab my attention and being quiet more often and listening on purpose.  It certainly won’t hurt.  Maybe some answers are in this quote, credited to Mooji;
Throw everything away, forget about it all.  You are learning too much, remembering too much, trying too hard.  Relax a little bit, give life a chance to flow its own way, unassisted by your mind and effort.  Stop directing the river’s flow.


More soon…

I will be writing more soon.  I’ve just been so busy, like most everyone else I know.  I’ve been working on writing about “the tug”.  I’ve probably mentioned this before, but I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up (I’m 49).  LOL  But there is a tug on my heart that I’m not sure what to do with?  There is the responsible adult with kids part of me that needs to work a “good job” and pay the bills and all that.  Then there is that damn tug…  It doesn’t seem to fit into the responsible adult part, not that I can see at this moment, anyway.  But it just won’t seem to go away.  So I guess I should pay attention to that, huh?
I hope you all are doing well in this seemingly crazy world.
I encourage you to be mindful and present in this moment.  There are some amazing things going on that we won’t notice unless we pay attention.  It might just be the creepy spider building a web off of the back porch, or the cat stretching, or the slight temperature change when the breeze blows at 10 at night, or noticing how cool the new floor feels on your bare feet… You get the idea.  🙂


Another interesting thing about having this Buddhist author come and stay with me (see previous post) is that he is vegan and gluten free.  He insisted that my family not change our eating habits just because he was staying with us.  But he also said that if we wanted to try some vegan dishes, he would be happy to cook.  So, we took him up on it.  Except for a couple meals at a vegan restaurant, he bought all the groceries and did all the cooking.  And it was wonderful!  He was a really good cook.
One thing that struck me after just a couple of days of eating this way was how good I felt.  It wasn’t a super drastic change, but overall, I felt good.  I never felt heavy after a meal, but was full.  It was kind of nice.  So, just as an experiment, I’ve continued to eat this way (mostly).  Finding vegan and gluten free food that tastes good, or that you can season properly, has been a little bit of a challenge.  And I’ll tell you, the cheat meals that I have eaten have tasted fantastic!  LOL  But on the flip side, even though the meals tasted good while eating them, I usually feel like crap later on.  It’s been interesting.  I had some Udon vegan/gluten free soup today.  Kind of a ramen noodle thing.  Eh.  I probably won’t buy that again.  But the white rice, black beans, mushrooms, and red onion concoction I had earlier was really good.  So, sometimes the meal turns out good, sometimes not so much.  But I’m learning what I like, so that’s cool.
My son jokes with me about the change in eating habits.  With a cheesy, over the top southern California voice, he will say something like, “Vegan isn’t a diet… It’s really more of a lifestyle.”  Or he will ask if I talk to everyone I meet about being a vegan.  I heard someone say, “How do you know someone is a vegan?  They will tell you.”  LOL  Hopefully that doesn’t offend any vegans out there.  But it’s often true!  🙂
Now, if I can just not drink on the weekends, I’ll bet that I will feel even better!  That will be the next phase of my food/drink experiment.  I’m certain it will make a positive difference.  It’s just about doing it.  Heck, so far, I’ve lost a decent amount of weight and I’m sleeping better.  Just that much is really great!
If anyone reading this has any vegan/gluten free food suggestions or recipes or anything like that, I will gladly accept them.  🙂
Oh, and I found out that Ben and Jerry’s makes gluten free ice cream.  And it’s really good!  Cherry Garcia.  Oh yeah.
Until next time, I hope you and yours are doing well.


This past weekend, I was extremely fortunate to host a Buddhist author that I have been following for a few years.  He came to town and did a couple talks that were well attended by a great group of people who were excited to have him here.  And since he stayed with me, I got to talk to him quite a bit.  It was amazing!  He brought a very peaceful vibe with him and I felt better just being around him.  I was inspired and challenged, to say the least.  Coming back to work on Monday was quite a shock for both me and my wife.  We discussed it at length and finally decided that the best description we could think of at this time was that this man took us through the wardrobe to Narnia for 3 days.  And then we had to come back through to the “normal world”.  And now we are trying to function in the normal world after having an amazing experience in Narnia, so to speak.  Yeah. The last few of days have been a challenge.

As wonderful as the whole experience was, experiences come and go.  It’s what we practice on a consistent basis that makes up who we are and where our life is headed.  That’s what I’m telling myself when I think, “I miss Narnia!” LOL  I had a pretty intense mental and emotional struggle Monday morning.  Shortly after getting out of bed, I noticed that my thoughts were all pretty negative.  After feeling heavy and sad for a while, I remembered something that was said this weekend.  You can’t life a positive life with a negative attitude.  This is not always easy to do, people.  As someone who has struggled with severe depression in the past, I know that.  But, on the flip side, since I did go through a few years of depression, I can spot its tactics pretty quickly.  So, at some point during that morning, I physically shook myself and told myself that I’ve got to stop this right now.  So I just started thinking of things to say to myself.  Instead of being bummed that the author had to go back to his home, I started being thankful that he came in the first place.  Instead of allowing the thoughts of, “I don’t know what to do with this stirring inside me?”, I started just saying that I do know what to do with it.  Even if it’s not clear right now, why not say that I know, anyway?  And anything else I could think of to be thankful for.  Pretty soon, that heaviness started to lift off.  I can’t say that I came into work doing cartwheels, but it was with a much better mindset than I had early this morning.

Just a few things that I came away with from this weekend.

Gratitude.  Man.  That’s a huge one.  Even on our worst days, being able to think of something that we are grateful for can make a huge difference.

Non-judgement.  For example.  A red light is just a red light.  It’s not good or bad, it just is.  When I can see situations just as they are, without labeling or judging them one way or another, it really cuts down on frustration and similar feelings. And it can also mean seeing things from another person’s perspective.  Other people’s perspective on reality is just as valid as my own.  Or this could be said as, the opposite of what I know is also true to someone else.  He used this example; right now, in your city, someone is rescuing a dog.  But somewhere else in the world, a person just had a dog for lunch.  And we need to learn to be ok with that.  J  Our opinions and beliefs tend to change depending on time, place, and circumstance. And since we all experience life differently, there are multiple theories on what’s best, what’s moral, what’s right, and what’s wrong.  This doesn’t mean we tolerate what is harmful, but often with this mindset, we can see more clearly how we should respond.

Humor.  If I can laugh at myself a little more, I think that’s a good thing.  Like when I get mad at someone in traffic.  I could laugh and say to myself, “Look at you, all mad and everything.  LOL  Maybe that person just has to pee?” 🙂

A positive attitude.  As self-help cheesy as it may sound, it really does help to be positive rather than negative.  For example, if I have a goal to stop drinking, it certainly won’t help me to think or say, “I’ll never be able to stop drinking!”  Even after another failed attempt to not drink.  “I can do this.  I can stop drinking.  I control me, not alcohol.  I chose a healthier way to live.”  Those kinds of things add up and can make a big difference.

There was so much more, but I’ll leave it at that.  Shorter is often better.

As for the overall experience, I’m still processing much of it.  Today, this is how I’m looking at it.  Using the example of Narnia, I can take what I learned there, and apply it here in the normal world.  I believe that will help me to be a person who can bring that same peaceful vibe into other people’s lives and help them have a taste of Narnia as well.  It’s not that we try to escape life by having experiences, but when we do have an experience like I had this weekend, it’s about bringing that peace and joy and compassion into our everyday lives.




More on the way…

Hi all.  I have lots of things going on in my head as far as things to write about.  I’ve started writing about business, wealth and our attitude towards it, the concepts of good and bad, and contentment.  It’s interesting to me how many ideas, concepts, and practices are connected to so many other things.  For example.  The idea of going with the flow.  Generally speaking, I could apply going with the flow to all the ideas I have listed above.

I’ll leave you with a quick story/parable regarding good vs bad from the Taoist tradition.  I’m sure some have heard it before, but it always makes me go, hmmmm….

It’s a story of a farmer and his horse.
One day his horse runs away. And his neighbor comes over and says, to commiserate, “I’m so sorry about your horse.” And the farmer says “Who Knows What’s Good or Bad?” The neighbor is confused because this is clearly terrible. The horse is the most valuable thing he owns.
But the horse comes back the next day and he brings with him 12 feral horses. The neighbor comes back over to celebrate, “Congratulations on your great fortune!” And the farmer replies again: “Who Knows What’s Good or Bad?”
And the next day the farmer’s son is taming one of the wild horses and he’s thrown and breaks his leg. The neighbor comes back over, “I’m so sorry about your son.” The farmer repeats: “Who Knows What’s Good or Bad?”
Sure enough, the next day the army comes through their village and is conscripting able-bodied young men to go and fight in war, but the son is spared because of his broken leg.
And this story can go on and on like that. Good. Bad. Who knows?

How does this apply to the really “bad” stuff like Hitler, or losing a child, or something like that?  I don’t know. We’ll talk more about this in the near future.

I hope you are well.  I look forward to writing more soon.


Why am I so angry?

I’m not sure how long this has been going on?  Maybe a year?  But I’m angry and annoyed with Christians and the Christian church.  Not any particular Christians or churches, just kind of as a whole.  I recently drove by a new church in the city I live in and I thought to myself, “Oh great.  That’s what we need here is another church!”  I live in the south/mid-south and there are an abundance of churches, to say the least.  Probably more churches per capita than any other city in the US.  Are my feelings and reactions just delayed?  Most people are angry when they first leave church/Christianity.  Mine seems to have surfaced, years later.

Ok, let’s back up a little bit.  I quit attending church on a regular basis in 2006.  I wasn’t angry with the church or hurt or anything like that.  At that time, I had begun to see how ineffective the institution of church is at communicating God’s love to people and helping them to discover who they are in that love.  That was my opinion at that time.  And I just thought there must be a more relationship oriented way of doing this.  Some call it an organic way of sharing God with people, outside the walls of the institution of church.  Then my views on things changed more and more until now, I really wouldn’t consider myself a Christian anymore.  Again, this was not out of hurt or anger or spite or anything like that.  I thoroughly enjoyed my time in the Christian church.  I just started seeing things and asking questions.  And voila! Here I am.

I’m wondering if the meditation and mindfulness and other practices are bringing out repressed feelings that I didn’t know were under the surface?  Hmmm… could be?  Most of the Christians that I know are kind and genuine and loving people.  I’ve encountered hypocrites who claim to be Christians, but I think most people are hypocrites to some degree.  Everyone is fighting battles and has issues.  I’ve known that for a long time so I don’t think it’s anything like, I’m mad at hypocrites.  When I drive down the road and see Bible verses on billboards, I get annoyed.  And often when I pass a church, I just feel angry.  I’ve caught myself a few times taking sides with other people who are angry at church and Christians and God.  I don’t want to take sides.  People will always have differing opinions.  Especially with religion and politics!  But I want to be able to disagree without it becoming personal.  This is an excerpt from Timber Hawkeye’s book, Buddhist Bootcamp that sums up where I want to be regarding these thoughts:

You don’t have to agree with, only learn to peacefully live with, other people’s freedom of choice. This includes (but is not limited to) political views, religious beliefs, dietary restrictions, matters of the heart, career paths, and mental afflictions.
Our opinions and beliefs tend to change depending on time, place, and circumstance. And since we all experience life differently, there are multiple theories on what’s best, what’s moral, what’s right, and what’s wrong.
It is important to remember that other people’s perspective on reality is as valid as your own. This is why the first principle of Buddhist Boot Camp is that the opposite of what you know is also true.
No matter how certain we are of our version of the truth, we must humbly accept the possibility that someone who believes the exact opposite could also be right (according to their time, place, and circumstance). This is the key to forgiveness, patience, and understanding.

Well said.  I especially like, the opposite of what you know is also true.  Yep.  Something that I’ve learned over the last few years that is very different from the way I used to think, is how to deal with something about me that I want to be different.  It used to be that I would fight the anger and annoyance and find scriptures to read that I thought would help change the way I look at things.  One thing that I’ve learned from tai chi is that when you fight or resist something, you give it more power to be able to defeat you.  In many Chinese martial arts there is a saying, yield to overcome.  I first heard of taking a different mindset when reading Eckhart Tolle, and then other authors.  Simply notice the thoughts or feelings or behavior.  Notice, in my case, the anger toward Christianity, without judgement.  And be curious about it.  What triggers it?  What thoughts arise?  What feelings does it produce in my body and where?  Things like that.  This noticing and curiosity often will simply dissolve these “negative” feelings without any combative effort on my end.  So why is the annoyance and anger in me still hanging around?  I don’t know?  I have to admit that I haven’t been consistent in my noticing and curiosity.  So maybe by writing this out, it will help me to be more mindful about that.  I do want to say that I don’t believe that you shouldn’t resist saying or doing things that are hurtful.  For example, I might have the urge to slap the stew out of someone for some reason, but it is best if I restrain myself from acting on that urge.  LOL  And it’s probably also good to go back and read things like what Timber talked about, similar to when I used to read Bible verses in the past.   I’m sure it wouldn’t hurt me to do so.  🙂


Go with the flow, revisited

I’m becoming increasingly fascinated by the Taoist concept of Wu Wei.  I wrote about it to some degree in the “Go With the Flow” post back on March 8th.  I recently found the following short definition of Wu Wei that I really like:
Wu Wei (Chinese, literally “non-doing”) is an important concept of Taoism and means natural action, or in other words, action that does not involve struggle or excessive effort. Wu Wei is the cultivation of a mental state in which our actions are quite effortlessly in alignment with the flow of life.

It sounds great, right?  Right!  Now, how do you that?  I don’t know.  LOL  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I have some idea of what this concept is and have been adjusting my thinking a bit to help me go with the flow if what is going on.  But it’s not really anything that I feel like I can sit down and teach someone how to do, yet.

But, it seems to be happening in my life to some degree.  One thing that I noticed recently is that I seem to be more productive at work.  I have a very stressful, high paced job where most things are very time sensitive.  So customers want what they want, now!  There have been times where I’ve been up to 5 days behind, even though I was working 60-70 hours a week.  Crazy.  Right now, I’m less than a day behind on emails and I’ll put in about 50 hours this week.  And it’s been that way for a little while.  But I can’t say that I can think of a point where I purposely did anything to make that happen.  But I have been reading about Wu Wei whenever I get a chance.  I’ve also been thinking about it a lot.  So is it possible that by having that on my mind on a pretty consistent basis has caused it to somehow work its way into my life?  I think that’s a definite possibility.

I also think that the concept of Wu Wei and many of the other things I’ve been practicing are connected.  It’s kind of like losing weight.  There have to be certain mental adjustments that take place.  I have to change what I eat and how much I eat.  And I have to move more.  It’s a pretty simple formula, but if I leave any of those three things out, it makes it more difficult to accomplish my goal.  But if I practice those things consistently, the weight loss happens.  Similarly, I’ve been practicing things like mindfulness; accepting what is happening without judgement of it being good or bad; going back to my breath; tai chi, yoga, and meditation; and thinking about the concept that I want to be happening in my life.

But how do the things that I’m “doing” fit into Wu Wei, “non-doing”?  Well, there are days where one of the things I’ve been practicing just seems to come easier than other things.  Or, I can tell that I need one of the tools more than others on certain days, or at times throughout the day.  So I go with that flow.  That fits in with our definition, “…means natural action, or in other words, action that does not involve struggle or excessive effort… cultivation of a mental state in which our actions are quite effortlessly in alignment with the flow of life.”

Wow.  That last paragraph just came to me while I was typing it out! I love it when that happens!  You guys just shared an “aha!” moment with me where I got a little more understanding of Wu Wei.
Cool.  🙂
And (another aha!), I just realized I’ve been practicing this to a degree with my body.  Even though there are times where I discipline myself to do some physical activity because I want to get better at it, I’ve also been listening to my body more.  Some days it seems that my body needs tai chi more than it needs yoga.  And vice versa.  So I follow that and do what I feel like my body needs that day. Whoa!  It really is all connected…

How fun!  Ok, so where do we go from here?  Hmmm… this might be a good stopping point for now.  In terms of people who are public speakers, there is a saying; “The short winded shall be invited back”.  I think there is some truth there with bloggers as well.  🙂

Until next time.  Smile.  Breathe.  Go with the flow.

Monday Monday…

Hey all.  Whoever “all” might be.  🙂

I’m still here.  I’ve got a few drafts of some possible posts, but nothing is really coming together.  I’m reading a lot and trying to digest a lot as well.  Maybe it’s too much reading and digesting?  Could be…

I did find an interesting article on Taoism that I’m working through.  In case anyone is interested:

Even though I’m reading a lot of stuff, I’m endeavoring to keep my daily practice simple.  I’m paying attention to tension in my body and trying to let that go.  And then just going back to the breath.  Oh, and also smiling.  On purpose.  That can be hard to remember to do, sometimes.  Especially on a Monday.  LOL  Yep.

I hope everyone is well.  More soon.


Go Back to the Breath

I’ve been reading some pretty heavy stuff lately.  For example.  If you Google, “A Buddhist view of interdependence”, the first thing that should come up is a very interesting article that is actually a book excerpt by Alan Watts.  But I’ve read it a few times, and I’m still trying to grasp it.  I had read lots of Tolle in the past, and I’m reading “After Zen”.  With a whole bunch of other stuff in between.  I read stuff about how grasping causes suffering.  So I try to let go of my grasping.  But I’m told that by trying to let go, that is really my ego in control, and it’s actually a form of grasping, in itself.  Yeah…  Stuff like that.  Things that make you say, WTF?  I have a feeling that when I’m through with my current reading phase, I’ll probably go back to some Thich Nhat Hahn.

I like reading TNH because he is very simple in his approach.  When the deep philosophical questions arise, and it’s just a little too much, I can remember that he says, just be where you are.  Be as fully present as possible.  I won’t spend much time on that here, please see the blog post from March 9, Being Where I Am, On Purpose.  But I will say that it’s a simple thing to do without having to have all kinds of spiritual insight of any kind.  Just be as present and I can be, right now, with what I’m doing.

The other thing that I often remember TNH saying is go back to, or follow the breath.  What does that mean, exactly?  It just means to pay attention to your breathing.  Pay attention to when you are inhaling, and pay attention to when you are exhaling.  You might even say to yourself, “inhaling” when you inhale, and “exhaling” when you exhale.  You don’t have to make yourself breathe, you are doing that already.  Just be aware of it.  It’s that simple.  You might also notice things like what the air feels like when I inhale, and what does it feel like when I exhale.  Like the other things that I practice, this is not a cure all.  But I do find that it helps me calm down, it quiets my mind, and just helps me feel better.

Sometimes I do intentionally breathe deeper into my belly.  And then try to relax with the exhale.  I try to notice tension in my body, and keep my focus on that spot as I naturally exhale.  It’s like when you blow up a balloon and let it go.  It makes that ppphhhtttt sound and the air just comes out as it flies around the room.  🙂 That’s what I try to think of exhaling.  Don’t force it.  TNH talks about saying this to himself when he breathes: “Breathing in, I calm body and mind. Breathing out, I smile. Dwelling in the present moment I know this is the only moment.”  Sometimes I’ll say “I calm my body”, just because it’s shorter and fits better for me.  And I’ll also substitute “a wonderful moment” for “the only moment”.  I’ve heard him say that as well.  I’ve used this with good success in stressful situations.  Whether at work, or allowing an intense alcohol craving to pass when I’ve decided not to drink, or getting shots in the palm of my hand to numb it before stitches to sew up a bad cut… yep, ouch!… it helps.

I encourage you to give watching or following your breath some practice during some not so stressful times to just get the hang of it, if that is something you aren’t used to doing.  And as you learn to pay more attention to your breathing, start to work it into the stressful or intense situations that come your way.  I think with some regular practice, you will start to notice some positive things happening as you go back to the breath.

Now I feel like I should say, “namaste”, or something like that.  🙂

Am I broken?

One thing that bothered be a little when I was in religious circles, and bothers more now, is the idea that we are born sinners.  The Bible (at least the way it was taught in my circles) says that we are born into sin and there is nothing you can do about that.  It was passed down from Adam and Eve.  So, we need Jesus to save us from our sin nature and the consequences that come with that nature.  We are broken and need Jesus to fix us.

When I started learning about Buddhism and other eastern traditions, I noticed that much of the teaching is just the opposite.  For the most part, the things that I have read teach that humans are born with an innate goodness.  Many times, that goodness gets covered up with various types of abuse, neglect, mental illness, etc.  But deep within us remains that innate goodness.

I’m reading a book by Brother Phap Hai called “Nothing To It”.  It’s very good! There is a section of the book that I have read several times now.  And will probably read, and meditate on, many more times.  He is talking about how we tend to look outside ourselves for happiness, peace, and joy.  We look to things or people or food or alcohol or money or fun…  And these things can be, and often are enjoyable in the moment.  But it’s really just a temporary fix.  He talks about how we think that we need one more condition, just one more thing.  If we hold this attitude, however subtly, we practice life not by deeply trusting in our own innate goodness and the innate goodness of others, but rather we see ourselves as “broken”, as needing to be “fixed”.  He mentions a teaching from the Plum Village chanting book that reads, “Our mind is always searching outside of itself and never feels fulfilled”.  It’s always running after the next thing.  He says that this is where the Buddha’s teaching is really radical, because the Buddha basically tells us, “You do not need even one more thing; you are already what you want to become.”

Wow.  What a difference that last statement makes.  I already am what I want to become.  So now, instead of seeking for something that I think is not there or that I don’t have, it becomes more about uncovering and discovering who I already am.  That’s pretty cool!  I do want to mention that by saying, “you are not broken”, that does not ignore the effects of hurts and abuse and the other kinds of negative things that people have experienced in life.  And, it also doesn’t mean that seeking outside help from a friend, doctor, counselor, medication, etc, is wrong.  All those things now become tools to help uncover and discover who you really are.  It’s a subtle shift in the way we think and look at things, but I think it can make a huge difference.  It takes me from thinking that I’m broken and I need this and that to fixe me; to thinking that I’m already who I want to be, but I might need help to see that more clearly.

I’m going to be meditating on this for a while and see what kind of changes happen in my life.  “You do not need even one more thing; you are already what you want to become.”  The thing that first comes to mind for me is alcohol.  I’m not judging anyone for drinking alcohol.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with drinking for lots of folks, but for me, it’s become a problem.  I’ve managed to decrease my consumption quite a bit from where I was not long ago.  But I am still struggling with stopping completely.  I understand that my body and mind crave the alcohol because of the chemical effects that come along with drinking.  But there is also a part of my mind that says, “Alcohol will make it better!”  Whatever “it” is.  I wonder what would happen if I said to myself, “No, it won’t make it better.  I do not need even one more thing; I am already who and what I want to become”?  I’m pretty sure that the cravings will not instantly stop.  But from that different perspective, I think it will help.   I’ve also sought outside help, and will continue to do so.  But now it’s not about fixing the broken me, it’s about finding people to help me uncover and discover who I already am.

It would be interesting to have several folks think on this throughout their day as well and see what kind of changes take place, if any.  Maybe give it a shot for a while and let me know what happens.  I’ll do the same.  🙂